Super Homogeneous

We all know that Allure magazine is one of my beauty bibles.

Month to month I rely on Allure for quality beauty content, tips, tricks, insight, trend spotting…and of course the annual BEST OF BEAUTY issue!

But Allure mag,

“I have a brontosaurus sized bone to pick with you”

Allure mag’s recent covers are putting me to sleep.
BOOOOR
-RING!!!
For the past 10 covers I have found myself ridiculously underwhelmed and wondering what the heck is going on at Allure. How do the folks at Allure allow this cover boredom to continue month after month??? Its like the months change, the content changes, but the covers remain oddly homogeneous.

Except for the January cover featured the short dark haired raven that is Rihanna’s every other cover this year has shared the following traits:

  • Fair to fair-ish skin tone (9 out of 10…or maybe 10 out of 10 as Rihanna is fair)
  • Flowing light colored hair (7 out of 10)
  • Rather demure makeup (7 out of 10)
  • Side swept bangs (8 out of 10)
  • Evidence of wind machine usage (7 out of 10)
  • Partial open mouth smirk/ smile (7 out of 10)
  • Caressing or the face or body (4 out of 10)
  • Hair takes up most of the darn cover (7 out of 10)
Folks I have seriously had it with ten issues of this. Enough is enough. I simply CAN…NOT…TAKE…ANOTHER…MONTH…OF…THIS!!!
Please take a rather boring trip down Allure cover memory lane with me:

JANUARY: The year started with a bang
FEBRUARY: SJP sets the trend for long wind machined hair which takes up most of the cover.

MARCH: Kate follows SJP with lots of hair on the cover, but at least the hair is slightly darker. Both Kate and SJP are heavily wind machined.

APRIL: More hair taking up the cover. Mariah’s hair is very long like the two previous covers.

MAY: More long light colored hair that takes up the entire cover. Also more wind machine and more side swept bangs.

JUNE: Boooor-ring. More long light colored hair. Wind machine. Fair skin. Side swept bangs. Jessica’s makeup is even oddly similar to Hillary’s of the previous month.

JULY: More boredom…you know the routine by now.
AUGUST: Victoria’s hair is darker but again with the wind machine, demure makeup, and the touching of one’s face.

SEPTEMBER: Oh Carrie! I’m too exhausted at this point to explain. I’m sure you see it, right TTB?
OCTOBER: Again, too tired to explain further.
NOVEMBER: Who knows?
DECEMBER: Pray for a Christmas Miracle
Open letter to Linda Wells, Editor in Chief, Allure magazine:
STOP IT!!!
Written By
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2 Comments

  • LOL .lol ..

    I thought I was the only one…

    I’m trying to see a real chocolate sista up there.. then I will be like WOW… Allure has stepped it up…

    maybe I need to write them..lol

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